And I don't feel any different...

2009
The Good...
- Continued 4.0 in grad school
- 2 big family gatherings
1. Grammy's 75th birthday:


and 2. Katy's 50th Birthday!

- Cousin/Nephew Omaha Trip


- Totally Rad 1984 themed 25th birthday party


- BEARCATS ARE NATIONAL CHAMPIONS!!!

The Bad...
- laid off (bright side - I wasn't unemployed for long.)
- the "situation" (don't you love it when people are really vague about things on a blog?)

The Ugly...
- maybe next year.

I'm through with playing by the rules of someone else's game

Musicals are one of my favorite cultural experiences.

I had the opportunity to see Wicked (finally) at the Kansas City Music Hall last night. It was so excellent. It was whimsical and delightful. The performers' voices were outstanding. However, I think my favorite thing about it is the idea that a change in perspective can change the whole meaning and feeling of a story. I discovered as I was doing some obsessive reading about the story that one of the prevailing themes was to be "things aren't always what they seem." The tale of an Oz "backstory" changes everything you ever knew about Dorothy's story.

I think the most important lesson in Wicked is that nothing is ever exactly what you perceive in the moment. It's an invitation to dig a little deeper and explore what you think life is.

Wait a minute, Mr. Postman

At the UPS store on 95th & Quivira. "Fra-GEE-lay... it's Italian!"

Sometimes you've got to fold before you're found out.

In case anyone was wondering, I quit doing the football picks for the following reasons:
1. I wasn't competing with anyone, thus motivation to actually think beyond which team I liked better before I made the choice was absent.
2. Due to reason number one, I was bad at it.
3. It's my blog, and I don't want to suck.

That's all.

just because everything's changing doesn't mean it's never been this way before.

I just read this paragraph that I wrote about myself two years ago:
"If you know anything about me, you know that I am fond of the spoken word. Now, I'm fond of all words, I love reading and writing... but talking is something that I enjoy doing. I'm a quality time/words of affirmation person..."

At least some things stay the same.

I never tried to make the best of my time when I thought that I had plenty of it.

The thing I appreciate most about Donald Miller's writing is the way he makes you feel like you are his friend. You read what he has to say as if the two of you are sitting at Starbucks with a pumpkin spice latte just having a conversation about life. I'm in the middle of his newest book right now and it's really speaking to me.

The premise is that he is working on writing a screenplay based on his memoir Blue Like Jazz. The writers he is working with are coaching him in what makes a good story, and how he needs to edit the events of his life to create one. All of this leads Don to start critically thinking about living a better story. He talks about life in literary terms, using words like "protagonist," "inciting incidents," and "positive turns."

The book is doing its job in that it is making me think about the kind of story I'm living. One thing I'm afraid of is living a boring story - and I kind of feel like I'm there right now. I don't have a clear cut ambition. I'm not overcoming anything major. I'm too comfortable. I'm in pretty desperate need of an inciting incident, but I'm too nervous to ask for one. In the literary sense, an inciting incident is one that forces the protagonist into a change that they would not have otherwise made. It moves the character from comfortable to uncomfortable, from complacency to conflict. The character doesn't get to choose their inciting incident either. It could be something downright terrible. I don't want anything terrible to happen, but I do need to start living a more exciting story.

This leads me to think of ways I can sort of create my own inciting incident. I guess last July I did so by enrolling in grad school, but even that has fallen into a comfortable rhythm that I can control. I need a goal to work toward, one that is not easy to back out of once I start. I'll have to do some brainstorming. In the meantime, I'm looking forward to finish hanging out with Don Miller via his book.

Hate is a strong word, but I really really really don't like you

This is upsetting. Are you ready for this? I mean, it's a doozy, so be sure you're sitting down. You're sitting? Ok. Here goes.

I'm having a hard time truly hating the Denver Broncos as much as I have in the past.

I know, I know - settle down. Just breathe. It's not as bad as it sounds, I promise. Just let me explain.

The things I hated the most about the Broncos are as follows: Mike Shanahan, Jay Cutler, and their whiny entitlement attitude. Shanahan's gone, Cutler's with the Bears (who I now kinda hate) and this new coach of theirs, Josh McDaniels, seems to have instilled a sense of humility (WHAT?) in the players. The past couple weeks, as reporters have been asking them about their undefeated start and whether they feel they've been perceived ufairly by the public, they all just tote the party line "we're doing what we need to do. We're right where we need to be. We just show up prepared and play the game." What? Who IS this team and what have they done with the Denver Broncos who I am much more comfortable despising? I wanted them to lose to the Patriots today, I guess. Still, part of me is kind of glad that they knocked that classless team of cheaters off their high horse.

Don't worry, I don't LIKE the Broncos - not even a little bit. I'm simply saying that my passionate and fiery hate for the team has abated into an annoyed disliking for now. Broncos fans still really bother me, so I don't see myself ever rooting for them. Also, Champ Bailey is still there and I REALLY don't like him. He's very cocky. Maybe the hate will return after they play the Chiefs. That's usually a good reminder.

I am odds and ends but that's me.

I wonder if some people know that instead of responding to undesirable comments on their facebook and creating a scene, there’s a little x in the right hand corner that actually allows them to just delete the comment and retain their dignity.

I was really excited about a cool late summer and early beginning to fall, but why the face am I thinking I might have to turn my heat on in October?

I’m going to start measuring my life quality by the number of times I can wear leg warmers in a socially acceptable fashion. October is looking good.

It seems to me that whenever I read about a debate of the origins of disposition/etc in my psychology classes (nature vs. nurture? Person vs. situation?) it always ends up that they say “it’s a mix of both!” It’s not that I don’t agree, I just wonder why we spent so much time arguing about it then.

I know it’s being said all over the place, but really, HOW ADORABLE are Jim and Pam? I’d like a Jim, please. Ready for this? Dream Guy: 3 parts Jim Halpert, 3 parts Demetri Martin, 2 parts Jesse Lacey and 1.5 parts Mr. Darcy.

It’s midterm and Fall Break time at Avila. This means that starting next week I’m pretty sure that the entirety of my life will consist of working, homework, class, homework, homework, and homework. I’ll see if I can squeeze some time in to eat and sleep and use the restroom, but nothing is a guarantee.

Older all the time, younger in my mind

So I LOVE birthdays. I love your birthday. I love his birthday. I love her birthday. I love my birthday. I'm all up for celebrating EVERYONE on their special day (and sometimes making that last at least 2 weeks.)

A lot of people don't like it that facebook has birthday reminders because it makes the congratulatory comments from friends who never speak to you otherwise seem generic and trite. I, however, do not see it that way. I don't care if all that happened was that someone glanced over, saw my name on the "today's birthdays" sections, clicked it, wrote "happy birthday" and then moved on never to think of it again. I LOVE that for that 1/2 second, that person thought about how it was my birthday and wanted to wish me well. It's always interesting to me which friends from the past will reappear on my facebook wall on my birthday.

Take that and add phone calls, texts, and emails, and lunch dates. I derive my energy from social interaction and positive relationships. So, needless to say, all of this birthday attention winds me up big time.

That's the long way to basically say that I'm really, really lucky to have such wonderful people in my life, however distant they may be.

Everyday's like Sunday

I did miserably last week. I'll add my scores later. For now, here's this:
Cle <> Det
Jac > Hou
Atl > NE
GB > STL
NYG > TB
KC > Phi (I gotta do what I gotta do)
Ten < NYJ
SF > Min
NO <> Cin
Den <> Ari
Car < Dal

It's not gonna come out like I wanna say it

Some people, like my best friend, aren't in to updating their facebook status ever. Some people, like me, take great joy in updating it a few times a day. We each believe that we are somehow superior to the other for our choice. That's fine though, because we realize that and are best friends anyway.

Because I'm such a seasoned status updater, I have a few tips and tricks for being able to regularly update your facebook status and still be "cool." (Because I'm cool... right? Please tell me I'm cool!)

1. It's best NOT to update more than once in a 3 hour span, though it is sometimes acceptable. You really just need to read the situation and decide if a new update would merit better response. Sometimes, if I choose to do this (like when posting football scores/reactions) I will go back later and delete those updates that didn't garner feedback.
2. Airing your dirty laundry over your facebook status is NEVER a good idea. Don't sling mud at an ex, don't bare your frustrations at close friends, don't divulge details that you wouldn't say in public to the amount of friends you have - because essentially you are public speaking and no one wants to feel awkward after reading something like this "I guess we weren't worth it after all. Thanks for wasting my time."
3. Song lyrics are ok but try not to make them too morose or angry. People will start to worry about you. Also, see #2 about how nobody likes feeling awkward. Too many angry lyrics (especially when it's not clear that it's lyrics you're posting) are just going to lead to people hiding you in their feed.
4. When it comes to details, less is usually more. If you are really frustrated with a headache and want to share that with your friends, that's fine. Use something like "Marissa wishes this headache would LEAVE." Do not use something like this: "Marissa has had a migraine headache for 3 days and just wants to cry because it's so bad I took like 6 ibuprofen and it's not getting better maybe I'll go to the Doctor tomorrow oh well it's off to bed tonight I hope I can sleep with this knife like pain in my skull."
5. On a related note, it's also fun to withhold details as little teasers to leave some to the imagination of your readers. "Marissa is ready for some action packed fun" might be more fun to read then "Marissa is going to go dancing then play some skip bo and watch some football this weekend." Always leave them wanting more. That's really the key to any status update.

pump up the jam.

So I got 10 right last week. It's not terrible, but not great. I'm hoping to improve this week.

Time is not something I have a lot of so this will be a quickie before I do some homework and indulge myself in an early bedtime.

I'm going to use the greater than/less than symbol. Obviously, the greater than side will indicate who I believe will win. (example win >lose, lose < win)
Carolina < Atlanta
Minnesota > Detroit
Cincinnati < Green Bay
Arizona < Jacksonville
Oakland < KC (I'll be going to this game to take care of it in person.)
NE > NYJets
New Orleans > Philly
Houston < Tennessee
STL < Wash
TB < Buff
Seattle > San Fran
Pit > Chicago (Sorry, Bears, I think I'm done rooting for you. I just REALLY REALLY REALLY don't like Jay Cutler.)
CLE > Denver (Denver could be playing a pop warner flag football team and I still wouldn't pick them to win.)
Baltimore>San Diego
NYGiants > Dallas
Indianapolis > Miami (how do the Dolphins get on Monday Night Football?)

I like to move it, move it

In case anyone is interested, here are my football picks for the week. I definitely picked Pittsburgh to win last night, and they did. You're just going to have to trust me on that.

Here we go:
Atlanta over Miami
Kansas City over Baltimore
Cincinnati over Denver
Cleveland over Minnesota
NYJets over Houston
Indianapolis over Jacksonville
New Orleans over Detroit
Dallas over Tampa Bay
Arizona over San Francisco
NYGiants over Washington
Seattle over St. Louis
Chicago over Green Bay
New England over Buffalo
San Diego over Oakland

Comments: It's hard for me to root for Chicago now that Jay Cutler is their quarterback... but I'm going to try once. I'm also going to try to root for the falcons a little bit, so as to show my support for Tony Gonzalez. He is the Godfather of my cat, who's name is incidentally, Tony Gonzalez (but I call him Gonzo).

In college football, I'll be watching some DII magic with the "Fall" Classic at Arrowhead tomorrow. Fall is in quotes because they moved the game up and it's more like a late summer classic this year. Otherwise, I'm not really that great at following college football but this year I've decided to make it a point to root against MU, OSU, and NE whenever possible. I'll root for KSU, Iowa (Hawkeyes!) and KU as much as possible too. Maybe I'll find some more teams to follow.

How much do I know, to talk out of turn?

I have psychology on the brain right now, and also football. This is easily explained. I'm knee deep in three different psychology classes on three nights a week. When I'm not in class or at work, I am probably reading for class. NFL football season starts officially tonight, and I've already had the chance to watch my Bearcats in action on TV.

All that being said, one of the most interesting things I've been reading about is for my Advanced Social Psychology class. We were assigned an article on a phenomenon known as Moral Hypocrisy among individuals and social groups. Basically, the idea is that an individual will judge a behavior as unacceptable or unfair when done by others, but excusable when done by themselves or a member of their in group. You get the idea. Hypocrisy is not a new thing.

Researchers created an operational definition of hypocrisy by creating a situation in which individuals were told that there were two tasks that they and an unknown partner would have to complete. Each person would have to do one of the tasks. One task was much easier and took less time, and another task was more difficult and time consuming. Subjects were given the option to choose whichever task they would do, or to have the tasks assigned randomly. This gave an individual the choice to take the harder task, make the chances fair, or take the less difficult task for themself. People who acted altruistically or chose randomization were then removed from the study. Participants were then asked to judge the fairness of other individuals who made the same choice to perform the easier task.

Basically, it goes like this. People picked the quick and easy task, leaving the tough stuff for their anonymous partner. Then, when they watched other people do the same, they called it unfair UNLESS the other person was a member of their social or cultural group. They were more likely to make allowances for people who were like them in some way.

To understand this better, I'm comparing it to football. One of my vivid memories of Bearcat football is when I watched one of those MO West classless assholes hit our quarterback HARD after he had already gone out of bounds, injuring him. To me this was a cheap shot, a blatant late hit, and something typical of a MO West player. I was furious. However, if it were a Bearcat that did the same, I would likely see it as a stupid mistake, an accidental continuation of the play in the heat of a game, with an unfortunate consequence. The Bearcats, members of my social in group, are given more leniency and allowances than those dirty Griffins.

In football, that's a typical rivalry. What's scary, is how people can allow this on a much larger level - politics, church, etc. What do you think? Any examples?

These are the words you wish you wrote down.

If I didn't know better, I would think that John Madden had a hand in writing my textbook for my Personality Assessment class.

I've spent the holiday immersed in reading homework for my three grad classes this semester. For the most part, it has been very interesting and eye opening. However, I was most anticipating the Personality Assessment course and it is currently disappointing me with the most dry and unreadable subject material of the three classes (the other two being Social Psychology and Developmental Psychology).

Here are a couple of examples of statements I consider to be unnecessary words to fill the page:

"In some circumstances, self-prediction has been found to be more accurate than psychological tests, whereas in others, tests have been found to be more accurate."

Awesome. That's very helpful.

"In some cases, clinical judgment is clearly in error, whereas in others it can be quite accurate."

Great. Did you know that sometimes people are right and other times they're wrong? Blows your mind, doesn't it? Let's see how many times we can say the same things in different ways.

So no one told you life was gonna be this way...

It's old news. We're talking like 5 years after the last episode old news. I don't care. I love Friends.

I love the characters, the attitude, the setting, the time of life. I liked it a lot in HS in college when I was watching it in real time, but I think now that the characters are more like peers to me I can really get into it - well, the first few seasons for sure. They are a bunch of 20 somethings figuring out what they want from life. I'm in a similar place.

I think the characters of Friends are so popular because they are so easy to relate to. I mean, I can find something with each of the 6 Friends that I connect to somehow. Some more than others, obviously. Let's look at this.

Rachel - I identify with her the most. She's impulsive, inexperienced to life's major inconveniences, loves to shop, and is interested in fashion.
Monica - I wish I could say I identified with her clean freak mentality. However, this is where I own up to the obsessive/neurotic nature. She also likes food a lot but can't eat it all the time because that's a bad idea.
Chandler - He has an appreciation for sarcasm, satire, and irony. He also spends a large portion of the series struggling with the idea of career and what it should mean to him.
Phoebe - Thoughtful, sensitive, and loves to be silly.
Ross - Appreciation of academics and also a little obsessive
Joey - Well, I also really love sandwiches.

See? Something for everyone.

Even at 25, you gotta start sometime

I’m working on choosing my anthem for my 25th year of life. I guess it’s the 26th year because I’ll have already lived 25 years. Either way, it’s my anthem for the age of 25. You get it. Everyone needs an anthem, right? It’ll be kind of like a theme song for the year. It would be nice if it made some sort of reference to the year 25, but it doesn’t necessarily have to.

Currently, I’m really thinking of Praise Chorus, an oldie but a goody from Jimmy Eat World. Lyrics here. Listen here. It mentions being 25 and it’s all about making things happen for yourself. That’s one option. One really, really good option.

I love “Somebody to Love” by Queen as a choice but that seems a little one track minded. Another option from Queen is “Don’t Stop Me Now” which is up there in my top 5 favorite Queen songs (Bohemian Rhapsody, Don’t Stop Me Now, Somebody to Love, Fat Bottomed Girls, We Will Rock You) I’m a little concerned about choosing any Queen song as my anthem because it just seems so flamboyant. (Flamboyantly genius anyway).

Should I have a certain goal in mind before I choose a song? Like something I will ultimately strive for as a 25 year old and therefore need a song to back me up? It’s a thought to consider. I tend to think AFTER things a lot more than I think BEFORE them. So, it’s likely that a song will strike me (like Praise Chorus kind of did) and then I will extrapolate from that to apply to my life.

I think you know what I’m leaning toward at this point, but if someone convinces me otherwise before October 1st, that’s fine too. Some life themes that are important to integrate into the song are: positivity, enthusiasm, self sufficiency, love (why not?), friendship, and fun.

Sugar, aw honey honey, you are my candy girl, and you got me wanting you

Sigh. I'm just going to blog about this once and then get on with my life. My hopes are that it is just a very effective publicity stunt.



If the good girl can't even get the guy in a happy go lucky ideal fictional world, what hope is there for those of us nice girls battling against the grain in the real world?

You know what, I've changed my mind. Maybe Betty won after all. Archie doesn't deserve Betty, having treated her so terribly for what is it now? 67 years? Well, I started reading these things when I was like 8 (I promise I haven't still been reading them all these years... but it's been in the news) and he's treated her as a second choice option when Veronica is not available that whole time. He'll get what he chose, and that's someone that treats him the same way he treated someone who so dearly cared about him. In fact, guys like Archie (likable as he may seem) probably just deserve to end up alone. By disregarding someone who has regularly and consistently demonstrated genuine care for him despite how poorly he treats her, he demonstrates that he has no moral fiber or character, and is only in it for his own gain. Selfish. Sure he and Betty have a lot in common, they have a good time together, and when it suits him he treats her very well. That's not enough though. He's got to learn to pause for a moment and think about someone else's needs other than his own. When that happens, it will be the real news story.

Now that I've gone through this thought process, I hope that it doesn't turn around and land him with Betty. She should find someone who appreciates her and isn't such a douchebag. Maybe Betty and I could join the same dating site. That was a joke. Really. Never take me too seriously.

These are a few of my favorite things

Raindrops on roses and… oh wait. I’m not Julie Andrews (though we do share a birthday – October 1^st!)

Really though, here are five things that, of late, I like a whole lot.

1. This article in The Onion. Being no stranger to panic attacks, I feel that it is a hilarious and accurate depiction. Read it. You won’t be sorry.

2. This selection from my friend Erica’s blog. "It is unfortunate that people like you and I are so thoughtful and clever that we dream up cool things to be done for us, because really no boy is probably ever going to be able to live up to these high expectations. And not because they're bad guys, but because they ARE guys." It’s a life truth. Thanks Erica.

3. Soup – most kinds. I don’t care if it’s August. My office is freezing every day and it’s about the only thing bar coffee that can help.

4. Mix CDs – making and receiving them. I just had a fun mix cd exchange with some facebook friends and had the greatest time picking out music to share. I expect the fruits of my project in my mailbox anytime.

5. Poetry… or rather, the idea of poetry. I love song lyrics so much I’ve been really interested in the idea of familiarizing myself with more poets. In fact, being the “avid” reader that I am, I feel a little ashamed that I haven’t pursued this yet. I figure it will be best to start with some classics like Robert Frost and Walt Whitman, but if you have any of your own favorites you’d like to share I’m open to suggestions. In the meantime, I'm in love with this short poem "A Question" by Robert Frost. "A voice said, Look me in the stars/And tell me truly, men of earth,/If all the soul-and-body scars/Were not too much to pay for birth"

Well, that's all.

Talking trash to the garbage around you...

I wish I had something more interesting to blog about, like the many flaws of creating chewy versions of candies that were not originally intended to be chewy (examples include Gobstoppers, Sweet Tarts, Sprees, etc). However, I am not Willy Wonka. I do not possess candy expertise. I just know what I like.

Instead, look at this picture:

This is a big dumpster sitting in my driveway. I’m throwing a LOT of junk away this weekend. The benefits of this are innumerable, but let me try to list a few anyway:

1. It is the first of a few steps that I will be taking to make my place more conducive for football watching and other gatherings. Now that I have this excellent TV and couch, I feel that I should have people over to enjoy them. However, my house has not been the type of place that I would feel comfortable inviting people to. Plus, when I return from my Louisiana trip next weekend, I’ll be coming home to a house unburdened by the weight of useless items.

2. It is LIBERATING getting rid of stuff. I don’t need you, material items! I am my own person! No longer will I feel imprisoned by the amount of unnecessary things clogging my space!

3. It is a project that requires some physical activity. It will get the heart rate up, while at the same time be productive in a household sense. Talk about killing two birds with one stone.Not that I have anything personal against birds, though I'm not a huge fan.

4. I just like to have a project. Hopefully, as I will be paying for the use of this dumpster, this won’t be one of those things that I start to do and then get tired of and quit halfway through.

Duplex, be prepared to be rid of everything unnecessary in the pantry, garbage from the garage, and anything else I just don’t feel like I need.

Hurray!

So give them blood, blood, gallons of the stuff

Nobody makes me bleed my own blood.

Ok, that's not entirely true. Yesterday, I gave blood. I got a cool bandage with purple hearts and a great sticker so that everyone could see what a superhero I am. Then I had some pretzels and apple juice. Images below. Snacks not pictured.




A lot of people try to convince you to give blood by saying that it's no big deal to do - that it's always a pleasant experience with juice and cookies abundantly flowing. I've given blood a few times and usually without incident. However, I'm not going to go on a tangent about how wonderful and pleasant the experience can be. I don't think that's the point. My experience yesterday was actually kind of sucky.

Let me explain. I've got no problem with needles and have a pretty high tolerance for pain... so that wasn't the issue. No, the issue was in MY CRAZY NEUROTIC BRAIN. I'm no stranger to irrational anxiety and panic attacks.What happened, is halfway through the process, it occurred to me that I was, in essence, trapped. I had a needle in my arm attached to a bag of blood. I wasn't really going anywhere. "What if I feel like I'm going to get sick? What if I freak out? What if there's a fire?"

Yes. Total freak show. I know. Nice to meet you. The main fear was that I was going to have a panic attack and wouldn't be able to access an exit or my Xanax (which I use SPARINGLY when absolutely necessary and self calming techniques aren't cutting it.) So, the anxiety was about anxiety. It was a "meta-panic" as it were. Because of the anxiety and the blood loss, I began feeling flushed and a little dizzy. I was probably near fainting. The nurse lady laid me down and put cold compresses on me and afterwards fussed over me while I munched. Then, the rest of the day I was spent. Totally beat. Drained of blood and energy from the combination of giving and anxiety. Overall, I wouldn't necessarily call it a "positive" experience. Though I was mostly just embarrassed at my weak showing afterward.

I am going to do it again in 8 weeks. Did you know you can give blood 6 times a year? I've decided to start giving regularly - mostly due to this "negative" experience.

What? But Marissa... weren't you just saying how miserable it was?

1. Hardly misery. Discomfort, worry, and exhaustion are totally manageable if not enjoyable feelings.
2. I am a healthy individual. (BP 98/68 with a resting heart rate of 64 bpm... the nurse was very impressed) Today, I woke up feeling back to myself and ready for another day. There are TONS of people who don't have that luxury. Who are living every day in pain, discomfort, and drug induced stupors as a means to SURVIVE because their bodies are diseased. Who need blood regularly as a way to continue on in the hopes that one day they can be back to normal.
3.With centers all over the country claiming a blood shortage, now is not the time for me to be worried about having a 1/2 day of discomfort.

So overall... yeah, sometimes it kind of sucks. Big deal. For one, most people are not as crazy as me and are more worried about the needle and blood. For two, I just like to think that if I am ever (God forbid) in a circumstance that requires I receive blood (whether disease or accident caused) that there will be blood for me there. And, because I have that desire, it makes sense to me to provide it for others, as long as I am physically able, despite any discomfort it adds to my day.

Check out your local Red Cross or Community Blood Center. Make an appointment to give blood. It's a fairly easy way to make a difference and a great way to lose a quick pound.

Why don't you come home to me?

Somehow, it got to be August and no one told me.

Great news. The fact that it is August means that FOOTBALL SEASON is nearly upon us! Oh my stars and garters! This feeling is bittersweet though, as my favorite team and my favorite player (once seemingy invincibly conjoined) have now been rendered asunder. I am speaking of the Kansas City Chiefs and one Tony Gonzales. It pains my soul to dwell even for a moment on their parting. Here's what usually happens in my mind: "Ah, August. Football season is coming! This is wonderful! The long suffering off season is about to end and I'll finally be able to spend my Sundays (after church, of course) sitting on my couch in front of my TV yelling at the players, coaches, and refs to do my bidding! I am so happy! I can't wait to watch the Chiefs play and see To.... oh. Oh no. No Tony on the Chiefs? WHY GOD? WHY IS THIS HAPPENING?" I then go on to spend most of the rest of the day in the fetal position while weeping and gnashing my teeth.

I still am very happy to watch football (preseason starts in a week!) I am glad it is back, well, almost back. I'm still looking forward to getting myself pumped up before games by listening to jock jams and running around my house making wild cheering noises. I still hope the Chiefs do well. I even wish Tony G. luck on his... choke...new team...choke, the Atlanta Falcons. I'm sure I'll still have many great Sundays and Monday Nights (I intentionally didn't schedule a class) watching my favorite sport and getting into it. I just can't help but think that this season is one that I'll just have to "get through." I hope I'm wrong. Maybe this will be the best football season ever?

I wonder if this is what it was like for Packers fans when Brett Favre ended up with the Jets. I thought it was all pretty ridiculous at the time but now I am much more empathetic. It's like my heart has been ripped in half and I don't know how I can be loyal to both Tony AND the Chiefs.

I realize the Tony thing is old news... but I'm sure you're familiar with the stages of grief. I've just been hung up on the first one by consistently pushing KC's loss out of my mind. The long, dark off season was very conducive to denial. Now in the light of the upcoming start of football season, it's a lot harder to pretend that Tony will be wearing red. I think in order to best enjoy this season, I need to work my way through the grieving process and get to acceptance so that I can fully experience the wonder and merriment that is football. I'll do that now.

1. Denial - I've got this one down. Read the previous paragraphs for details.
2. Anger - THIS ISN'T FAIR! TONY IS A CHIEF! HE SHOULD RETIRE IN RED! WHO DO THE ATLANTA FALCONS THINK THEY ARE? AND WHAT IS TONY THINKING LEAVING KANSAS CITY? (you can tell from the caps lock that I am mad)
3. Bargaining - I'll splurge on season tickets if you come back, Tony. I'll vow to make a ton of money and then leave it all to the Chiefs when I die if Tony comes back. I'll show up 8 hours early for every game and cheer so loud that you won't even need a full stadium. I'll jeer at the other team with such visceral and intimidating anger that they will be putty in the defense's hands. I'll do anything, just bring Tony back!
4. Depression - Why even watch football? Sigh. Why even watch anything? Why even enjoy anything ever again? What does Kansas City even have to offer anymore? What does life even have to offer anymore? It's all pretty pointless. What's it matter now that Tony has moved on? I might as well just sit on my couch in the dark and cry into my #88 jersey.
5. Acceptance - I guess I can't bring Tony back to the Chiefs. It's not in my power to decide what he does with his football career, or what the Chiefs do with their personnel. I can either choose to move on with my life or torture myself with this loss forever. Football is something I have long enjoyed, and do not want to lose my enjoyment of this sport now. I guess I can support the Chiefs and still want good things for Tony Gonzales. I can't let this undesirable circumstance ruin an entire football season.

Phew. Ok. Let's get ready to rumble. Welcome to the big show.

They can't love what I don't show...

Here are a few things that I am not embarrassed to admit (though I probably should be).

1. Billy Ray Cyrus was my first celebrity crush, and like one's first love, will not be forgotten. I still love him (whether it means laughing at him on an occasional episode of "Hannah Montana" or smiling every time I hear "Achey Breaky Heart." Furthermore, I have at least 3 full Billy Ray albums on my iPod... and not ironically.)

2. I'm usually asleep by 9:30pm on weeknights. 11pm is late. Anything after that and I will be a wreck the next day. If I don't get a full night's sleep I don't function. Even near the end of my college days I was asleep by 11:30pm on weeknights.

3. One of my favorite Pandora Stations is the one I have that is heavy on Pat Benatar, The Bangles, and Tiffany.

4. I will wear red EVERY FRIDAY before a Chiefs game once football season starts.

5. I still have and cuddle my childhood teddy bear. His name is Francis and he is ragged and tattered.

6. It's not unlike me to read a full book (300 pages+) in its entirety on a Friday night. Also, yes, I am 24 years old with a public library card. Proud of it.

7. I LIKE school. A lot.

8. I have mowed my own lawn exactly one time in 4 years of living on my own. That has been the one time I have ever operated a lawn mower at all. It took me 30 minutes to get it started.

9. I wear jeans until they get a visible stain on them before washing them.

10. I kind of want to read the dictionary.

11. On Saturday I went out to a bar and ordered "a virgin long island iced tea" just for kicks.

12. I eat something small every two hours so I never feel hungry. Hungry puts me in a bad place. You won't like me when I'm hungry.

13. My signature dance move - "the flail."

14. Freerice.com? A favorite.

15. Newest goal? To take practical measures to make my life more like a broadway musical.

I'd like to die with the songs I love stuck in my head.

At any given point, on any given day, I've got music playing. If I'm in a place where this isn't feasible (like class, or a meeting), then I have a song in my mind. It's likely one of the most recent songs I've heard, but I am occasionally surprised by what I find myself mentally karaoke-ing.

I've often marveled at my attachment to music. I don't just enjoy it... I rarely do anything without it. It's almost a physical need I have in my life like air, water, and food. It's a form of sustenance to me. I don't know why this is, though I am certainly not alone in my love of music and language arts in my family. I say language arts because my attachment to music, though instrumentals can certainly move my heart, lies primarily in the lyrics. I'm fascinated by the metaphors of life illustrated in song. A pretty melody and some outstanding accompaniment is certainly important... but it's the lyrics that usually truly get to me.

I find myself looking for ways to get and hear more and more music, of many varieties. My taste is described most accurately as eclectic. Old, new, fast, slow, loud, soft, it doesn't matter. I can usually find something to like about it. I just love the experience of it all.

I'd like to take that passion and desire to know the music, lyrics, and artists and apply that to people in general. What if everyone is just a different song, with lyrics and instrumentals that sing of passions and experiences? I'm certain there is at least one thing to if not LIKE about everyone, at least to appreciate.

Back in high school, my best friend and I used to have a rule where if we caught ourselves speaking negatively about someone, we would stop and think of 3 positive aspects of that person. Sometimes it was a stretch, and sometimes our motivations weren't necessarily pure, but I still found it helpful. That might be something to reconsider doing again. Lately I've been making snap judgments in my head, which I believe to be harmful to myself as well as how I treat others.

I espouse a lot of unconditional positive regard and acceptance, but inwardly I find that I don't always adhere to a value I claim to be so important. We're all hypocrites sometimes. If we can recognize that and work to counteract it, I can't help but believe that we'd all be a little happier.

So close to reaching that famous happy ending...

I've been heading out to the Indian Creek Trails after work on days when I don't have to go to class. It's a lot of fun. Anyhow... I'm usually by myself with my music. Today, however, was a little bit different. About 2 songs into it my run, I glanced up and saw a black lab coming from the bushes.

Now initially, he gave me a bit of a start. But I saw pretty quickly that he was friendly. He ended up following me for the majority of my run. It was nice to have some company. I began to worry about him though. Where did he come from? Would he follow me all the way to my car? Could I leave him alone in the park and still be able to live with myself? What if he got lost or hurt?

Of course, I've got an overactive imagination and I'm a little pathetic. My mind began to wander while I ran next to the dog. We'd been running together for about 10 minutes and I already had written a Meg Ryan movie in my head. You know the type. Boy has dog. Boy's dog runs away, girl finds dog, calls the number on the collar, meets boy. Boy turns out to be handsome, smart, sensitive but still manly, pretty much perfect. Girl and boy fall in love but then have to overcome some sort of obstacle (maybe Gonzo and the dog don't get along, or the guy finds out that I don't really like dogs). Eventually there's a happily ever after.

In my version of the movie, Demetri Martin plays the dog owner. I don't know though, I wouldn't want him to "sell out". I would settle for George Clooney. Anyhow, that's how it would go if it were a movie.

I never got to find out how it would go in real life because as we were running on the part of the trail that goes by the street, a silver SUV pulled over. I stopped to make sure that the dog stopped, because I knew what was going on. What we had here, was a dog owner. Out of the car stepped a pretty good looking guy. For a moment I thought that this could be like the movie afterall! Of course, then I remembered that while in a move, the star on a run would have a slight glow, a friendly smile, and and would barely be fatigued. I, on the other hand, was disheveled, with messy hair, and I likely had eyeliner running down my face with the sweat. Who knows what this guy saw. Anyhow, he thanked me, took his dog (who's name was Beau) and was on his way.

I suppose I'll live out my chick flick love story another day.

P.S: Confession time. I was tempted to quote both Taylor Swift AND Miley Cyrus in my title to this post. Of course, I would have been doing it ironically and not genuinely. I had to nearly physically restrain myself.

We're only just as happy as everyone else seems to think we are.

I've decided to give grades to years/parts of years. That way I have a quantitative measure of how my year went. I tend to be positive, so I always think things are pretty good... which is fine. However, the second half of 2008 got a D (ick) in my mind and the first half of 2009 is sitting at a C.

Why am I doing this? Because I want to be better at journaling/blogging/what have you and because I can. I'm not going to go into detail as to why past full year (2 previous half years) has gotten an undesirable grade. That's over and done with. What I am going to do is work on recognizing the good things (and the challenges) that I am presented with and acknowledge them as such.

So, like I said, 2009 did not start off on the right foot. (Think: family health problems, job loss, similar drama.) I have faith that it can come back and at least average out at a respectable "B." Part two started on July 1st, and I believe has kicked off positively. I spent the first weekend of the second half of 2009 (and also Independence day) in Lake Ozark with my family.

Ultimately, I am hoping for this project to be an illustration of the fact that there can be good in life amidst bad things that happen to everyone. I believe, that if everything is noted comprehensively, I'll find that overall things are really good. It is just that when bad things happen they tend to replace the good in one's mind and make it hard to recall them. I don't want that to happen. So, I'll be keeping a log of good and bad things that happen and giving them weights. When 6 months is up, I'll tally the scores. Don't be surprised to find that the good outweighs the bad.

Music, the great communicator...

So, last weekend marked the beginning of summer... and with summer comes my seasonal playlist. I had a weekly playlist blog but that was too much. Anyhow, over the past few years I've been really consistent about the summer list, so I'm going to keep up that tradition now. It should be noted... these are not necessarily songs that just came out this summer. Rather, they are songs that I am relating to for this summer.

Marissa's 5th Annual Summer Playlist - 2009
One Day - Matisyahu (I freaking love this song. It doesn't get old for me. I've been listening to a lot of his stuff more lately.)
Busy People - The Limousines (but we always have time for new friends...)
Queen of the World - Ida Maria (Her single is "I Like You So Much Better When You're Naked," and I love that... but when I was doing some further listening into her stuff I discovered this one. I also love "Wherever You Go" but this one is more conducive to summer fun)
Folding Chair - Regina Spektor (her new album was released Tuesday. This song is very peppy, quirky, and fun like a lot of her stuff. I wish I had this kind of talent.)
Close to Me (Cure cover) - The Get Up Kids (I heard this as a teaser in a promo for their upcoming September concert in KC... immediately had to have it.)
Shindig - Red Hot Chili Peppers (Some peppers "pep" up the summer indeed.)
Anything Anything - Dramarama (Old. School. And, awesome)
Buddy Holly - Weezer (I'm seeing Weezer live in September! Heyo!)
Could You Be Loved - Bob Marley (Wow, Bob Marley AND Matisyahu. Someone's feeling a little reggae this summer...)
Time to Pretend - MGMT (I also very much like their current single, "Kids.")
Now We Can See - The Thermals (Thanks to the TV show "Chuck" for introducing me to this song.)
Hold On - Wilson Phillips (No, seriously.)
Uptown Girl - Billy Joel (I always like to have a little fun at the end of my playlists...)

No need to say goodbye.

So, I've really been obsessing over this song by Regina Spektor called "The Call." It was in the Prince Caspian soundtrack, but I've yet to see the movie. She had a new album come out today and I've listened to it obsessively as well, but this song is so meaningful that I'd like to share it.

Click here to hear the song.

The instrumentals are beautiful, but what really touches me in this song (as in most songs that move me) are the lyrics. To me she's describing this developing passion for something in life that is bigger than oneself. It's a passion that I was full with while at LVR and that I'm working on finding again now. To have a "battle cry" to me means to have something to pursue and try to achieve with my whole heart. I'm attracted to people (for friendships... and otherwise I'm sure) who have a drive or passion for something in their heart. I'm not talking about career advancement or money. I'm talking about what moves you. What is it that gets you out of bed in the morning? What experiences do you want to make for yourself?

I also especially related to the end where she sings "just because they can't feel it too doesn't mean that you have to forget." It's important to give yourself permission to re-experience your awesome memories. Better to be thankful that you got to experience such things than to be bitter that they're not happening anymore.

I've decided to volunteer on my weekends. The idea of providing something for others is really important to me and I've been very selfish with my time lately. Granted, I work full time and am going to grad school... but this Summer is pretty light and I have weekends fairly open. It seems like I can always make time for the things that are important. So, that's what I'm doing. Volunteering is important and therefore I will make time for it. Altruism aside, it's also a good way to hone interests and gain clarity or insight on life goals. Also, the places I'm looking at offer me some good practice in counseling. I hope to find the niche where my joy and the world's need meet... and then make a difference that way.

We didn't light it but we tried to fight it...

This sign is posted right by the elevators in my office:


I agree. It is very sound advice. If there is a fire in the building, you don't take the elevator. Everyone knows that. I do take umbrage, however, with the picture. Look at the placement of the fire in question. It's in the stairwell! If the fire is in the stairwell, I'm not taking the stairs. I'll risk falling to my death from a window, thanks.

Additionally, look at the placement of the ambiguous figure on the stairs. Not only does it appear to be much too calm in regards to the situation at hand, but has somehow managed to get past the fire in the stairwell. Given where he/she is located in relation to the fire, here are a few possibilities:

1. This individual is impervious to fire. Hopefully, he/she uses this power for good and not just for dumb party tricks.

2. This a-hole stick figure started the fire. Maybe the company stole his stapler.

3. The person is psychic, but also selfish.

4. The figure is actually a firefighter, walking up the stairs backwards to avoid smoke inhalation. This hardly seems the quickest or smartest way to move into a burning building, but I'm not a firefighter. I can't judge.

5. The person crossed through the flame, but is not impervious to fire. He/she clearly lost an arm in the process.

So close to something better left unknown...

I've been working on my MS Paint skills lately. While I'll never be as good as Catharine, I like to think that I've come a long way in my ability to operate a computer mouse as a paint brush. I like to think that my strong points come mostly from extensive interpretation and use of the copy/paste function. Below, you'll find my visual representation of the phrase "crazy but entertaining."

I keep my grammar well rehearsed...

Last Friday I had the wonderful opportunity to join some former colleagues/current friends for lunch. It was my first experience with Indian food, which proved to be interesting. My special thanks go to Nick for showing me the way of such ethnic meals. (At this point, it would be appropriate to also give a shout out to Dan, Luke, and Jeremy in thanks for a nice time - not that any of them read this.)

These guys are all analysts, so as I'm sure you can imagine, there were several interesting points of conversation throughout the meal. The most noteworthy of which had to be the heated debate on contemporary language, specifically the phenomenon known as "textspeak." I happen to be ANTI "textspeak." When I text, I tend to spell words completely and use mostly complete sentences. There are few exceptions. I also have very little patience in "textversations" with people who use text abbreviations, especially "u" for "you" and "r" for "are." In fact, I've taken to just disregarding most texts that use those abbreviations. I simply ignore them. No response.

Dan and Jeremy both agreed that they also spell words completely in their texts, whereas Luke was the leader of the "textspeak" argument. Dan, of course, played plenty of Devil's (read: "textspeak") advocate though. All of this leads me to the argument Luke (and Dan) made for "textspeak."

The argument: "Language is always changing and evolving. By using abbreviations, we are able to communicate more efficiently. We don't communicate the same way people did 100 years ago, and 100 years from now we will be communicating differently."

My thoughts: While this is a seemingly valid point, it doesn't cover all the problems that I have with "textspeak." Here are a few issues:
1. "Textspeak" is still not used in a professional atmosphere. This alone should speak to the not only informal, but also uneducated feel it has.
2. Anytime you shorten or simplify language, you take away some of its meaning. This creates more ambiguity and less clarity in messages.
3. Come on, it just looks AND sounds (or reads, I guess) ignorant. Besides, how much space do you really save by shortening two and three letter words? I'm okay with acronyms for longer phrases and even occasionally "bc" for "because" if a lack of space warrants the use.
4. Do we really want to keep "dumbing down" our diction? Is this really the direction we want society to be moving? Think about it. How will we be represented through our communications? "OMG, ur so funny. L8R." Gross.

That's all. I'll step down from my soap box now.

something the prince never knew

If anyone ever wonders why I'm not married yet, I think that this email (received from my stepdad, Terry, last summer in regards to gentlemen suitors) can offer some insight.


It reads:

You know brown nosing doesn’t work with me!

Yes, I was bad last night but you have experienced my poor behavior before. No, my attitude towards certain items doesn’t change and when my mind is made up it stays that way! However, in this case and with consultation with my advisor I may reconsider this matter given the proper materials. They are:

1. Life resume
2. Documentation showing ancestory with Iowa roots
3. Documentation showing college participation in athletics
4. Life goals
5. Personality testing—you don’t want to end up with someone like me!
6. Parental background and quirks

When that package is presented, I will scour the data to determine if my mind can be changed to allow for more than limited conversation.

Love ya

So, good luck to me on that.

Get out of my dreams...

...get into my hot pink minivan?

Seriously, where can I get one of these?


Sorry - it's not the best shot. I had to be sneaky and the van was moving. Apparently people find it creepy if you randomly take pictures of them inside their vehicles with your cell phone. I've done worse.

A fool for another day...

Not me!

If anyone needs me, I'll be over here, celebrating what appears to be another FOUR POINT OH semester of grad school. I win again! Win!



Oh stop whining. I can brag about this. School is the only thing I'm good at and if it boosts my confidence then I should be allowed to share it with the world. I will shout it from the mountains. FOUR. POINT. OH.

The book of love has music in it.

Thanks to the season finale of Scrubs, I think I know what song I want for my first dance with my future husband. Nice choice, Zach Braff. That show always has had a way of getting to me.

Cool. Now I've got to go wash off the eye makeup that coincidentally is now streaming down my face. Have a great Friday.

We bottle and shelf all our regrets, let them ferment and get back to our senses.

Tomorrow night, anytime after 9pm, if you are with me and truly consider yourself to be my friend, you will straight up tackle me if you see me reach for my cell phone. There are no exceptions.

That is all.

I've got a hunger twisting my stomach into knots

Let me tell you something about myself:

What it is to burn...

Today, for reasons I still have yet to figure out, I used my free hand to grab the top of my Chi hair straightener after I had finished smoothing it out for church. This resulted in instant searing pain and slight blistering. That Chi gets HOT. No problem, I thought, I'll just run my hand under cold water. That seemed to work, except that immediately upon removing said hand from the cold water of deliverance, the burning pain returned.

I was running late for church, so I just put a couple of bandaids on and hoped that would help. It did not. 20 minutes into the church service my hand was hurting so bad that I had to leave. I've always thought that I had a pretty high tolerance for pain. Now, I know that if I were held captive and tortured for government secrets, I'd probably squeal like a pig as soon as they so much as lit a match around me. But not one infected with swine flu. More like a perfectly healthy pig who just happens to be very clumsy with a hair straightener.

Anyhow, after some neosporin, a healthy portion of gauze, and some ibuprofen, I'm ready to get to work on my papers.

This is a lesson in procrastination.

I consistently amaze myself with my ability to find ways to not do my homework. Take right now for instance. At this very moment I am actively NOT writing a 15 page research paper for my statistics class. Nor am I writing a 5 page paper on Anxiety and Faith Based Counseling for the weekend intensive I had a couple weeks ago. Both of these are due Monday.

No, I am writing this, a blog, instead. Look at the good I do.

Other things I have done to avoid writing these papers today:
1. visited my family's garage sale
2. deposited a check at the bank
3. delivered drinks to aforementioned family
4. took a nap
5. randomly chose to go to the verizon store in hopes of getting a blackberry (found out that I don't get an upgrade until July - rats)
6. checked facebook and twitter on multiple occasions (and all of my other regular sites including craigslist and FML.)
7. discovered various new blogs that I will now follow, thus allotting even more of my free time to not doing my homework or cleaning my house or anything else productive for that matter.

So welcome to my new blog. I'm going to probably really enjoy thinking of song lyrics to use as my entry titles. It'll be my "thing." Everybody needs a thing. That's what she said. Stop it. This is ridiculous. Moving on.

Look how helpful I am, providing a lyrics search engine right here on my blog for those of you less lyrically inclined who might not get the reference in my title right away! I've also included hangman, in case you get bored. What a timeless classic of a word game!